Sports, Chores, and Boundaries

Anger is always my sign that I am upset at my own choices or that my boundaries are being crossed.

When Anger is not allowed to be safely expressed it usually is internalized. When anger is internalized it usually sounds like "Life isn't how I want, so it must be my fault", but in a "I'm not good enough" way. It feels like you are stuck and just mad about it. Its ruminating.

Internalized Anger feels like "The world is not how I want it to be so I must be failing at something." That is the basis of the "victim mentality".

Anger gives us the ability "TO DO". To fight back, to push through resistance and make change happen.

My anger is my sign that something needs to change or that I need to make different choices. But it has nothing to do with me not being good enough.

The last couple of weeks I have been low key angry and it has been growing louder. I have been getting grumpier and more easily annoyed at the kids.

I realized that my schedule is almost completely determined by the changes in my kids activities and my husbands work schedule. I seem to always be reactive, not proactive.

I have been putting everything and everyone else first.

Sports are important. Being a kid is important.

Running my kids around constantly is draining and I honestly hate it. I want to go to the gym. I want to prioritize my workouts 4x a week and say no to anything that isn't that.

I am not saying I am not willing to put my kids in sports ever, just not year round.

Will my kids be WNBA or NFL athletes? Who knows, that is not up to me, its up to them. When they are older, I can make more space for them, if that's what they need. At almost 6 and 9 I don't see it as a necessity right now.

So I am making the decision to commit to only a specific amount of after school activities a week. And only 1-2 seasons a year of specific sports. I can handle that compromise as my choice.

I could talk about physical training age, wear and tear on the joints, and injuries starting sports too young but lets not go there today.

What IS up to me is to be an example of prioritizing my needs and making compromises in a family dynamic. What IS important to be is taking up space especially being a woman who is raising a daughter and a son.

My kids need to learn life is not always about doing doing doing. That rest and seasons are a big part of life.

For the majority of things, life is a choice. And "NO" is a full sentence (I am still very much learning).

I hear so many women talk about how their husbands/kids don't help with the house.

In December this year, I made a choice to not be responsible for everything and everyone in the house. I made a chore chart for everyone.

But here is the kicker. I do NOT do the chores that are my husbands/kids responsibility.

If they don't do them, then they don't get done.

Let's not get crazy, I do the laundry, dishes, groceries, but I don't pick up after them and if its not in the laundry area I don't wash it.

I have to be willing to let my house look like a disaster until the kids do their chores.

I refuse to teach them that it is the mother's responsibility to do everything for everyone while she is taken for granted and just expected to do everything.

NO. This is where my anger comes in handy. Not yelling or being angry at anyone.

My anger fuels my determination to make sure the kids/husband know they live in this house and are equally responsible for the messes and picking up after themselves.

I have had to let my kids go to school with different socks because they didn't put their dirty laundry near the washer, or to not find clothes because they didn't put clothes away. I have had to let them experience the natural consequences of me doing only my part and them not doing theirs.

Its so much easier to say, well if I just earned more money I could hire a nanny, a housekeeper and chef. I mean it would, kinda. But it would still leave me with more people to communicate with, more managing responsibilities and schedules.

It wouldn't eliminate problems, it would just change the problems.

Taking ownership of my time, energy and effort is the solution. Saying no. And not holding myself to unrealistic expectations.

P.S. After a rough 5 months, everyone is (for the most part) very consistent about chores and expectations and our house is overall much less messy and cleaner.

Being more present and only putting my energy and commitments into the things I chose is the most important.

That's freedom. That's autonomy. That's ownership.

I can chose them because I want to or because I am simply making a choice that's mine to own.

My complaints are my pathway to figure out what I really want.

I have been tired of feeling drained. Feeling like I have to do everything, keep up with everyone and do all the things all of the time.

Taking ownership and choosing my life holds the freedom I desire.

If I allow whatever comes up to consistently push me around, that's how I feel like I can never do the things I am wanting to do. I am not a "victim" of my life.

I am not saying its easy. I am saying you can always chose.

Sending Love,

Michelle