Why Can Life be so Hard? 3 ways to Embrace Life and Parenting

Most people I talk to, especially recently, seem like they are just putting one fire out after another.

Our whole world seems to be changing right in front of our faces and if you have been alive over the last 4 years, life has been interesting to say the least.

So sometimes I find myself asking, Why is life so hard? Why does it feel so hard sometimes?

I guess to answer my own question, Who told you life isn't suppose to be hard?

Who told you that life isn't supposed to be messy and challenging?

Because even asking ourselves why is life is so hard makes it seem like its suppose to be easy.

I mean obviously I don't have all the answers here, but I have found ways to embrace the difficulties of life, even when they completely suck.

Pay Attention to Your Expectations.

Lets say you are at a party, and everyone is having a different drink. Your drink is milk, I don't know why you are drinking milk at a party but just go with me.

Now, the cups, they aren't clear, so you cant see what's inside from the outside. But lets say you and some random person from the party and you, put both of your cups down next to each other.

And without thinking you accidently pick up their cup and take a drink.

YUCK!!!! ORANGE JUICE!! I was expecting milk and got ORANGE JUICE, what in the ever loving sourness was that?!?!

Ok, so maybe this particular scenario hasn't happened to you, but have you ever drank or ate something that you were expecting and it tastes AWFUL?

Normally, drinking milk or orange juice is a pleasant experience when what you were expecting matches what you are drinking.

Life is like that.

Why is life so hard? If we expect life to be just easy and fun and only full of the things we want we are in for some very big disappointments.

And alternatively if we expect life to be awful and hard then we also block ourselves from blessings.

Let go of black and white thinking.

For me, a cis gendered, straight, white woman who was raised in a Christian Religious upbringing, I have been inundated with black and white thinking.

"You are either right or wrong."

"There is a single correct way to do things."

And if you cant make yourself be/look/have like what you are told this ONE way is, then shame, guilt, not enough-ness, wrongness, and pain are your rewards.

But here's the thing, black and white thinking, believing that there is a right and wrong way to live is part of the reason life is so hard.

When we continually try to be something different than we inherently know who we are, we constantly feeling like we are falling short.

So lets use an example about food.

Rice, my kids love it, and lets say I have only ever grown up eating plain white rice. So that is what my view on what Rice is supposed to be.

If I never allow myself to open up to other ways of cooking rice then I miss out on a lot of really yummy food.

Now does only knowing how to cook white rice make me a bad person? No.

But I make life harder on myself when I am frustrated and angry about my boring rice but force myself to stick to the belief that "I can only eat white rice because that is what I should be eating."

When I do that, I miss out on some great flavors, experiences and diversity.

So maybe look at the places that feel so hard and ask yourself who told me life is supposed to be this way?

Acceptance of what is.

You must know and accept exactly where you are to make any type of change.

Have you ever put an address into Waze or Maps and NOT put a starting location?

The place you want to go is awesome to look at and you can imagine what it is like there.

Until you know exactly where you are right now, you cannot find any directions to go where you want to go. No routes, or maps or any type of directions can be created until you know and realized exactly where you are.

Facing the reality of where you are can be one of the hardest things to do.

Accepting something means that you decided to receive something or agree to something.

By creating more acceptance in your life you can see what is really there grounded in realty of actions or lack there of.

Lets say for example, we have always had this goal of losing weight. And whenever we eat things or don't workout we spend so much time mentally beating ourselves up.

What is the reality and corresponding acceptance? I don't do the things that it take to lose weight, and then therefore there is a part of me that doesn't want to lose weight.

There is a part of me that benefits from not losing the weight.

Now I am not saying there isn't an equal part of you wanting to lose the weight, but the reality is you aren't taking the steps or prioritizing the weight loss you say you want.

And wanna know the coolest thing? IT IS OK.

You can accept that for right now you simply aren't doing the things it takes to lose the weight.

Maybe without the constant shame spirals, guilt trips and never ending "shoulds" you have a better chance of making different choices.

You are where you are. You are who you are. And you can only do better when you know better.

So did I just cure the world? Nope! But If you take all 3 lessons and apply them to parenting then your world might get a little easier!

Now for Parents.

Pay attention to your expectations about what you are supposed to do and be as a parent. Just observe them. Why are you making the choices you are making?

If your child does or doesn't do something, what does it mean for you about your parenting?

Get curious and see if you can find the root of why and how you are showing up as a parent.

Letting go of black and white thinking. Look at your child. What do they need? Not what did you need as a kid or what do you not what to do as a parent.

What if there was no perfect way to be a parent?

What if you told your kid you weren't sure how to help them, other than love them and just be there for them?

Can you accept yourself and your limitations of parenting? Can you accept your child as they are?

What if your child is not good at math? What if they even doing their best only get Ds?

What does that mean about you as a parent and them as a child?

Can you accept that math isn't their strong suit? Can you focus on encouraging what IS their strong suit?

Maybe life AND parenting is so hard because we are trying to follow rules that worked for the collective but not for us independently.

When we try to do things "for the good of many" it only ever works for some but it directly harms others.

Maybe the path to a more peaceful journey in life and parenting is just accepting there is more than one way of doing things. Just stay curious for a while.

Sending Love,

Michelle